365 Days

It will be EXACTLY a year on July 17th, 2009 since I have had my children at home with me. Ironically, that is my new court date. It's only one more month, but how many times have I said "It won't be long now, only one more month!" only to find out that court has ONCE AGAIN been postponed. It seems like July 17th will never get here soon enough. I miss my babies! I have missed each one of their birthdays and EVERY holiday. One year of their lives that I can never get back. And for what? I have done NOTHING WRONG! One year of their lives down the drain because my ex husband is a liar and jealous maybe? Using our children to get to me? I really don't know what his reasons are. I just hope that after this court is over I won't have to worry about any of this anymore. My heart can't handle it. I love my babies too much to not be able to see them, to watch them grow and learn. It HURTS! And I am sure they blame me since I am the one that is not there, but the truth is none of this is my fault. I did what I felt was best for their well being and I would NEVER abandon them!! Maybe one day they will be able to see through their fathers lies and manipulating ways. Maybe one day they will understand that I wasn't the one at fault here and be able to forgive me for missing out on all of their ball games and birthday parties and Christmas morning. Just MAYBE they will forgive me.