3 THINGS YOU DID NOT KNOW ABOUT ME

MckLinky Blog Hop post for July 14th, 2009

1. I have 1 sibling, a sister. Her name is Heather and she is 4 years older than I.

2. I am a country music fan! I rarely listen to anything BUT country.

3. I have a very strong love/obsession with pit bulls. I know everyone thinks they are vicious killers, but I firmly believe it is all in how they are raised. I currently have 2 little bullies named Zeus and Apollo.

Thanks so much for stopping by and happy blog hopping everybody!!

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My Old Kentucky Home

Custody court is now 4 days away and it's back to Kentucky I go. It feels like I have made a million trips back to Kentucky in the last 16 months. The trip is 5 hours long and it no longer seems that long. It's like it's just a hop, skip, and a jump away. But I am still dreading the trip back simply for the fact of the unknown. I have no clue what is going to happen in court and it is really scary for me. But at the same time, I can't wait to go back to my hometown and see all the buildings and people that are familiar to me.

I was looking online tonight at pictures of Kentucky in general and also pictures of Paducah, which is where I grew up. I guess you don't see the actual beauty of where you live until you aren't there anymore. Kentucky is a GORGEOUS state! Maybe it's just because it is my hometown, but maybe not. I thought I would add some pictures here to see what what my visitors think about it. Let me know if Kentucky is as beautiful to you as it is to me.

The Courthouse (where I will be on Friday):

The bridge going over the Ohio River (My future Mother In Law HATES going over this bridge, LOL):


This is the floodwall that was handpainted. It is truly a work of art:

These are some of the old buildings in Downtown Paducah:

And my all time favorite, the train. I remember playing inside acting like I was the conductor when I was little. It was SO much fun!:


These are just pictures of other places in Kentucky, not necessarily in Paducah, that I thought were pretty:






OK, sorry this post is such a long one. I just can't get over the beauty of "My Old Kentucky Home".

Changes Coming Soon

I am SUPER excited!! A few days ago I entered a contest for a custom FREE blog header designed by Stepfanie and I received an e-mail just a few hours ago telling me I WON!!! I can't believe it!! I never win ANYTHING!! I can't wait to see what she can design for me. She is really good!

She is also running another contest for a custom bag that is super cute! You should go HERE and check it out. Maybe you will win it!! You better hurry though. It ends tomorrow!! Don't miss out!


There are some more changes that may be happening soon, but not in the blogger world. It's too early to say anything yet though. HA! I am going to leave you hanging for a little bit. I promise to fill you in as soon as I can. Trust me, I am DYING to spill the beans. I just have to wait a little bit longer. *sigh* Oh the joys of having an ex husband who is too caught up in your life to enjoy his own.

Wordless Wednesday

MckLinky Blog Hop *Favorite Photo*

This is a picture of my daughter Zoe and my fiance's nephew, Dakota. Zoe and Dakota met in March of 2008 and became the best of friends. They did everything together. They were playing in the playroom so I decided to take a few pictures. I walked in, got a few shots of them rolling around on their cars and then they decided to go in for a sweet kiss. Hopefully in 2 weeks they will be reunited.

365 Days

It will be EXACTLY a year on July 17th, 2009 since I have had my children at home with me. Ironically, that is my new court date. It's only one more month, but how many times have I said "It won't be long now, only one more month!" only to find out that court has ONCE AGAIN been postponed. It seems like July 17th will never get here soon enough. I miss my babies! I have missed each one of their birthdays and EVERY holiday. One year of their lives that I can never get back. And for what? I have done NOTHING WRONG! One year of their lives down the drain because my ex husband is a liar and jealous maybe? Using our children to get to me? I really don't know what his reasons are. I just hope that after this court is over I won't have to worry about any of this anymore. My heart can't handle it. I love my babies too much to not be able to see them, to watch them grow and learn. It HURTS! And I am sure they blame me since I am the one that is not there, but the truth is none of this is my fault. I did what I felt was best for their well being and I would NEVER abandon them!! Maybe one day they will be able to see through their fathers lies and manipulating ways. Maybe one day they will understand that I wasn't the one at fault here and be able to forgive me for missing out on all of their ball games and birthday parties and Christmas morning. Just MAYBE they will forgive me.

The "April Rose" Scam

I follow a few blogs. It's kind of an addiction really. I like to see how other moms do things and I like to get ideas for activities and dinners and whatever else I can find. It's kind of fun. I LOVE Jennifer's blog, aka MckMama, and have been following it for quite a while. Back in February I was lead to Angie's blog, Bring the Rain. I seriously spent two days reading her story from the beginning and crying and wanting to get to know this loving, sweet lady. I cannot imagine knowing the child you were carrying was not going to be yours for long and would return to the Heavenly Father. So I started reading more blogs about similar situations and mothers whose babies had been diagnosed in the womb with a terminal disease and the mothers chose to carry the baby for as long as they could. It was touching and thought-inducing and I cried a lot!

There was a blog about a 20 something year old woman who was pregnant with a baby, April Rose, that was diagnosed with full Trisomy 13, among other things. Doctors told her to terminate early but she refused, wanting to put it in God's hands. She had thousands upon thousands of readers. She was always talking about her Christian faith and love for God. She had T-shirts made for the cause and people bought them to wear proudly, all proceeds I assume going to April Rose. There were addresses for donations and gift cards, gifts, whatever else. Very sad stuff, her feelings all along were heartbreaking. Fast forward to a couple of days ago. April Rose was finally born, being 41 weeks, and was only 4lbs. Updates went on for about a day, but the details were a bit off. Things weren't adding up. People began questioning her and leaving comments, some quite nasty. Then there were posts about her heart rate declining and her breathing slowing. A pic was posted of April, then removed. A letter from the baby's daddy was posted saying things about how they are hurt that so many people would be so rude and that they were going to use the blog for updates only. Then the whole blog disappeared.

So come to find out it was all a hoax. Beccah Rose Beushausen, the "mom" made it all up in a shady way of getting people to send her money and whatever else, perhaps maybe she just needed attention. I guess that she had a website for her art that has since disappeared, as well as her twitter, facebook and myspace accounts. The picture she posted that was supposedly April Rose was actually a doll!

It just breaks my heart. I read her story and felt for her. But what really makes me upset is the fact that there are actually women who experience this kind of heartache and she preyed on that to earn their trust and then exploited it. Not to mention all the people who prayed for her and sent donations and kind gifts. She had us all fooled and it makes me so incredibly sad that this all went down. I actually feel really bad for this woman, she is obviously in need of some mental help and I hope that she is able to get the real help she needs.

I guess it just goes to show that you can't always believe what you read. We need to be careful who we trust. I know I will be more careful from now on, but I will NEVER stop praying for someone who asks for prayer!

God's Plan

I had 2 days left until court. Just 2 more days until I could see my babies again. And this morning, I wake up to find a missed call from my attorney and a voicemail on my cell phone. I figured she had found something out on my ex husband that would maybe help me prove my case against him. Boy was I ever wrong!!!

It was a call to tell me that court has been postponed due to the sudden death of the judge's father. Now, like I said in my last post, I know I haven't said much about this on my blog, but let me just tell you why the LAST court date was postponed (it has been nearly a YEAR since this all started and it has been postponed SEVERAL times)! My attorneys mother passed away just 4 days before my court date! So when I heard this voicemail, my mouth just dropped! Are you serious?? I know it is not the judge's fault that this happened. It's no one's FAULT. But I do think it is part of God's Plan. I KNOW it is part of God's plan!! Healthy men don't just suddenly die for no reason. I don't know what God's reason behind it is and I won't ask why. It doesn't matter why. I fully believe that God is on a mission. For what? I don't know and don't need to know. I trust that He has everything under control and is going to do the right thing, no matter what the outcome is.

What's next?

OK, so it's been a while since my last posting. Not a whole lot has been happening in my life other than work. I work, sleep, work, sleep. That's pretty much been it since my last posting. But things are about to get exciting! Either in a good way, or possibly not so good. I'm not really sure yet.

On Monday, I have to go to court for the custody of my children. I don't think I have even mentioned on here what is going on with that, but it is a very complicated and messed up situation. Basically, I am having to fight a drug addict to get custody of my children and because he is a VERY GOOD liar, I just may lose my kids. Sounds crazy, right? I am still trying to grasp the whold concept myself. I have done nothing wrong to lose my children but I really have no way to PROVE that their father has either! So it could go either way. Only God knows what will happen and I have handed this over to Him to take care of for me. I fully trust and believe that he will make the right decision, even if it is NOT in my favor. I have to believe that this happened for a reason, even if I don't know what that reason is.

I would like to ask you to pray that God makes the right decision that is truly the best for my children, even if that means that they aren't with me. It will be hard on me, yes, but I only want what is best for them! That is all I have ever wanted! So if you could please pray for me and my children, it would mean more than you know!

I have done it AGAIN!!!!

This photo editing is FUN STUFF!! I got called in to work so I had 8 hours to devote to photo editing!! Here is my newest creation. This was made for my favorite mother in law and best friend, Anne.

I DID IT!!!!!

I have recently gotten really interested in photo editing (thanks to MIL) so I finally tried to do something myself instead of having other people do it for me. I found a really neat program online and I HAD to share my first piece of work. It's pretty simple, but I am proud of it. So, here it is!!!

Major Turn Around

OK, so yesterday I was blogging about being depressed and today, I am SUPER HAPPY!!! Sometimes I wonder about myself. LOL

I came in from work this morning around 5:30 and Drew asked me to snuggle with him for a while in his chair. I guess this just made my day!! I layed with him for a little while and couldn't quite get comfortable (2 people are not meant to sleep together in a recliner!!) so he tells me to go get in the bed and get some sleep. I did just that. I slept until 3 pm!! I didn't hear him tell me he was leaving for work or anything. I was OUT.

So when I got up, he calls and tells me he needs me to pick him up from work. ME?? You actually want ME to pick you up from work? OK!! This gets me super excited that he actually asked me to pick him up instead of asking his mom or dad. He NEVER asks me to do this kind of stuff for him. NEVER!! So all day I am ancy about going to get my man from work. I am talking, running through the house and singing and dancing, ancy. HA! I am sure you are picturing me running through the house and I am sure the cars driving by thought I was NUTS! Anyway he calls later and tells me I have to pick him up in Gould, which is like 45 minutes away. OK, I can do that too. When the time finally comes to go get him I FLY out the door. He told me how to get there, but if you know me, I am not the best at remembering the small details. I made it to Dumas with no problem. I go through there every time I go to KY, which in the past year has been a TON of trips to KY!! So I go through the red lights and to the Exxon station he told me about. I see the sign that says "Douglas" which is where he told me to turn. He told me to go down until I see an old car in the driveway and him in the shop. So I am driving down this road looking for an old car and a shop. Hmmmm, every where I look is old cars and it seems I am in the GHETTO!!! There were black folks walking the streets (this was after dark) and hollering as I drove (about 20 miles an hour) down the road. I tried calling him to see if I was heading in the right direction and of course he doesn't answer his phone!! So I say to myself "I'll go a little further to see if maybe I haven't gone far enough". HA I reach the end of the road. Not talking a dead end sign or anything. Its just road and then FIELD! What is up with that?! So I attempt to turn around (there are no driveways at this point) and end up in the ditch!! Oh crap!! And let me just mention here I am rolling on a donut!! HA! I was so afraid the black folks were gonna stop me, the little white girl in a mustang, and steal my donut, rape and murder me, and well I had many other things going through my head. So I finally get turned around and get the heck out of dodge!! I make it back to the main road and call him again. NO ANSWER. I texted him and told him to call me. So he FINALLY calls back and tells me I was supposed to take the 2ND road. OK. I turn on the next road, drive what seems FOREVER and FINALLY find him!! He hands me a drink and we pull out. I thought I would be so MAD by the time I got to him, but when he saw me and smiled, that was it!! All the anger and bad thoughts went away. We actually talked, sang and laughed all the way home. It's amazing how his smile can make my anger disappear! And he uses it to his advantage too. He makes me super happy. Now yesterday doesn't seem so bad. A wise woman once told me "Tomorrow will look better than today" and she was right. It always seems to work out that way for me. Who knew all it would take to turn me around was for my man to ask me to come get him from work!!

Depression

Its back!! Sometimes I wonder if I will ever just be a happy person. Just when I think I can't be any happier, I hit these low spots. I am not talking just a few hours, it always ends up being DAYS that I just don't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I just want to crawl up in a hole and cry for hours and hours! It is really putting a toll on my relationship with Drew. I always end up taking it out on him and then we aren't "normal" for the next week or so. I don't know how to fix it. I want to be the best girlfriend I can be to him, but it's like it is not in me to do so. Is this possible? I don't want to cause him unhappiness. Should I let him go? I am not sure I could do that. I love him too much. I have tried to let him go several times and always end up right back where I started. Leaving is not the answer to my problems, but is it the answer to his happiness? I have no doubt he loves me, but does he love me enough to stick through my depression times? He has said before depression is all in my head. I think this is why I can't talk to him when I get depressed. He doesn't understand what it is like!! He is suppposed to be my best friend but yet I can't talk to him about my biggest problem. Is this a healthy relationship? Will it last a lifetime? I don't know the answer to this. I may not EVER know the answer to this. All I know is that I DO love him with all of my heart and I will just have to pray that God can help me overcome this.

The birth of my blog

This is going to start off short and sweet. I want to get this blog up and running so that I can keep all of my family and friends updated on how things are going. For now, everything is going good, considering I have been without my children for 5 1/2 months. I was really dreading Christmas since it would be the first ever Christmas without my babies. However, it turned out to be an AWESOME Christmas!! Drew asked me to marry him!!!! To see him on one knee again, PRICELESS!!!!! I never expected him to do that again, at least not with me!! But he did. I absolutely can't wait to be married to the love of my life all over again!!!!!! No date as of now, but I will keep you posted!!

I will try to update this blog at least once a week so that you can keep up with my soap opera life.